Hey beautiful souls,
It is not my normal day for posting but since I missed the last two, I decided to post to let you in on what has been happening in my life and who knows maybe someone reading this post will be glad I did,as they too maybe dealing with the same situation right now.
On the 17th of February I lost my Dad. It has been an extremely hard two weeks and maybe posting about his death is too soon to know the full impact of this loss but I wanted to share anyway.
Since June last year it has been a hard road for all the family. My Dad had a major operation where he did not recover well from.He spent two and a half months in ICU,which trust me would take its toll on anyone, no matter how strong you think you are. When he got out of hospital he was very weak and still suffering .His journey to being well again was far from over, as he had to have two more operations,but as he was still not fit enough to have them the process was prolonged.I am giving you the short version but maybe I will decide to do a long version someday.
My Dad was rushed into hospital a couple of weeks before his death in an emergency, where there was no choice but to take him into surgery again .
Two operations in four days .
God bless him ,He made it through both of them and a couple of days later he seemed like he was going to be ok and then everything started to go down hill.
Little by little my Dad got worse until he had nothing left to fight with and he passed away with his family around him .
As I am telling you this ,it still does not feel real.
Yes I was there,
I seen it all ,
We have had the funeral.I watch as they buried his coffin .
I was present for it all .
I have never had to do the full process with anyone I lost.My dogs yes but never a human family member.
It was my first time.
I was there for everything ,
Each step of him getting worse until his last breath but still I feel like I am in a movie or something and waves of reality come in and then they go and I still can not believe he is gone and I will never see him again .
I know they say sudden death can leave you in shock but is not all death sudden ?
I mean you never really think about it happening.
Do you ever feel like each stage of your life you have always been that way and that all that is in that time of your life will always be there and will always be the same?
Life is always changing I know that but I guess what I am saying is that we never really notice the change until we lose someone we love ,really love.
Grief has no time limit ,It never goes away it just gets less with each passing day so they say.
The deeper your relationship with someone the harder grief will hit. We feel grief for anyone we know and lose but the ones who make up your life, Like your Dad,that have been there daily for your whole life up until the day they leave are probably the toughest grief of all to deal with.
I know I am still in shock mode at the moment.
Like I said ,when I sit and think of him,I can not believe he is gone.
Disbelief is real.
They say you can feel angry,I was angry before his death,very angry as I watched him suffer in a hospital bed but right now I am not angry about that because I am glad he is a peace.
Sleeping is tough ,If you are finding it hard to go asleep you are not alone. I am emotionally tried so I want to sleep but I awake a couple of hours later with my mind going over the time and replaying everything.
I have cried a lot. I hope you have too. Not that I want you to cry but it is a way of releasing and dealing with pain.What you deal with daily will help you in the long run .What you cover up or bury will only show up later down the road.
Losing a loved one is an inevitable part of life.
None of us are getting away from it.
We will never know the day or time it will arrive but we can be sure it will.
If you are dealing with a loss like I am right now ,I send you love,healing and faith .
Faith,that you will get through the pain ,the grief ,the loss.
Take your time,do not force yourself to feel ok ,listen to yourself,
It will take as along as it takes ,what is happening right now is unique to you and only you know what it feels like.
Practice gratitude,
Last night when I found it hard to sleep ,I thought about how grateful I was ,I am and always will be for having such a wonderful man as my Dad.
Do what ever works for you.
Have a lovely Friday xx
#inspiringthepowerofyou