Hello Beautiful Soul,
One thing I am constantly asked as a therapist is how to build self-confidence within yourself. It first begins with learning some personaldevelopment and understanding how we think about ourselves.
Our thoughts create how we feel about ourselves and in turn how we respond to our world.
It is something we learn in childhood and how those around us taught us to be.
If as a child you were constantly put down, you learn to do the same thing to yourself. On the other hand if as a child you were encouraged and empowered to be yourself, you would have learnt to build confidence in yourself and all that you do. Self- Confidence is not something that is fixed. It is something that we can learn.
So to build self-confidence is to have self-knowledge.
Knowing your own beliefs and opinions, your strengths and weaknesses, and how you are within
the relationships you are in and the environment that you live in daily. I have heard men and women talk about their lack of self-confidence, and when I hear what their environment is like and the people they are in relations with, it can tell me a lot about why their self-confidence and self-esteem are so low.
Some external influences outside of yourself can keep you small and make you doubt yourself and your abilities to be part of something bigger. When you have dreams, there maybe someone in your life who holds a realistic view of life, but when you share a dream with them, they keep putting you off, and after talking with them, you dim your light. You need to learn to give more credence to your own thoughts and beliefs more than what others think of you.
Every negative thing you were taught about yourself growing up has taken residency in your mind until you start to question what you believe
about yourself. These thoughts can stop you from even trying out something new in your life and gaining more confidence in your own abilities to create what you desire in your life.
Knowing your strengths and weaknesses is important in building your confidence. Try out this exercise: take a sheet of paper or a notebook and
write down five strengths you know you have on one side of the paper or notebook and on the other side, write down five weaknesses you know you have. If you come up with fewer strengths and more weaknesses or vice versa, you have something to work with. Your strengths are the things that you do very well, even automatically, as they have become part of your nature. Your weaknesses are those things you can work on to become your strengths and are usually the things we need to work on to create a better life for yourself.
When you can admit your strengths and weaknesses, you can feel more confident in your actions and who you are. Example: A partner says to you,
“You are no good with money”, and in knowing this, you say, “I agree I have some problems with my finances, and it is something I am working on
correcting. There is no more that you partner can say as you have owned what they said about you. You have acknowledged that it is something you know about yourself too and that you are willing to do something about it. The fact that you will do something about it will build your confidence in your ability to take charge of something that was causing a problem not only with your
finances but with your partner as well. It has a twofold conclusion. In doing something about it builds up your confidence in managing your finances and more trust in your relationship around finance.
I will leave you with this. Negative self-talk is something that most of us do to ourselves. As well as knowing your strength and weaknesses become aware of how you talk to yourself on a daily basis. If those thoughts are negative ones begin questioning them, whose voice have you heard saying those negative things to you and is there any truth to what is being said. The more conscious you become of how you speak to yourself, the more you will learn to be more kind and compassionate towards yourself and learn how to build more of your
own self-confidence.
Sending you love and light on your journey towards building a more confident
you and in turn transforming your life and your relationships too.
Love and light
By
Teresa Clifford
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